Finishing a Painting

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Here is my latest, titled “February Dawn.” I won’t say “…and greatest,” although my favorite painting is often whatever I have finished most recently. The photo, as always, doesn’t do it justice, but I love the slant of the light on the snow, the contrast between the cool snow and the almost-hot play of the sunlight in the trees, and the surprise of that little window in the back of the shed.

There is something so satisfying about finishing a painting. Some paintings fight back, but this one came fairly easily. Painting is always work, taking great focus and many, many decisions. Sometimes, though, as with this one, it seems that most of my decisions are perfect right off the bat. Other times, it seems as if every color I put down is not quite right. I layer something else over it, or take it out altogether. With the hardest ones, I do that repeatedly. Interestingly, whether it’s easy or a struggle seems to have no bearing on the quality of the finished product. And there is also no way to tell ahead of time which images will be a struggle to get right. It’s mysterious.

Having it come easily is a gift, though, and I enjoy it when it happens. In my imagination, when I become a better artist (in some land and time far, far away!), all paintings will flow like that. I am pretty sure, however, that this is not the case. I have taken a couple of workshops with Liz Haywood-Sullivan, a very well-known and accomplished artist. Invariably, when doing a demonstration, she will on several occasions try a color and announce, “not that one,” or “too dark.” She does not seem to get to the stage of having to re-do parts of the painting, so I think she catches her errors more quickly that I do. But she does indeed make errors. It is very reassuring.

As making a particular painting comes toward a close, I paint more and more slowly. At that point, it is a matter of tiny adjustments: a hit of light here and there, a darkening of a shadow, small additions of color variations. When I start a painting, I often work for quite a while before standing back to look at it and assess. You need to get enough down to have something to assess! But toward the end, I assess after almost every stroke of pastel. Does this add something or not? What else would make the painting sing?

I have three criteria for when I consider a painting done. First, it’s done when I can find nothing more that I feel it needs. I am satisfied with the composition, the colors are in harmony throughout the painting, it says what I want it to say. Second, I always get feedback from a  couple of fellow artists, so it’s done when they have added their critiques and I have made decisions about their suggestions. But finally, it is done when it lifts my heart. My hope is that each painting will lift someone else’s heart as well.

 

 

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Art and Paychology

Art and psychology – they seem pretty different, don’t they? One is mostly images, the other mostly words. One is Official Health Care, reimbursed by insurance; the other is, well, reimbursed only when a painting sells. But I have been thinking about the commonalities as I transition out of being a psychologist.

Both are creative endeavors. Psychology, you think? Creative? But it is. With psychology, you have to take the complexities of the person and situation before you and find a way to make sense of it that is coherent and effective. I wonder, what is the story here? And how can I make a difference with that? Truly, that is not unlike looking at a landscape and finding an effective way to express what I see. It means noticing what’s important and winnowing out the distractions. It means considering what it is that’s unique about this particular landscape and how I can convey that. What is the story this landscape wants to tell and how can I best assist that?

Both endeavors require authenticity. I bring myself to the struggles and resources of each person I see for therapy. And I bring myself to the particularities of the landscape I paint. If the painting does not include me in some way, it fails.

Most importantly, though, is that both psychology and art demand that I hear and see below the surface. In therapy, people tell me what they can about who they are and what they’re up against. But what I listen for is what is unsaid: what are the feelings that they are not expressing? What is the hurt that is unacknowledged? What courage or persistence or skills do they have that they take for granted? In art, too, I try to look below the surface. Yes, it’s a forest or a meadow or a sunlit path. But what is the feeling of the forest? Mystery? Power? What secret does the meadow hold?

Consider “Afternoon Enchantment (a 16” x 20” painting, in “not so traditional landscape”). Here is the photo I used :

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As you can see it was a heavily cloudy day, and the sky was darker and lighter gray, with only the barest hint of pale gold toward the horizon and barely visible in the clouds. The land shapes were fairly flat. I was very taken with the sky in this photo: all those cloud layers, that moody flat light. To me, there was almost an enchanted quality (thus the title!), a sort of otherworldly feeling. How to paint that?

Below is the painting, so you can see my solution. I started with changing the shapes to make for more drama and movement. See how the far hills and the sweep of the field are curvier? And look also at the shapes of the clouds. I have made them swoop more in a subtle U-shaped curve. I made the trees on the far right taller and the fir trees on the left more prominent. The result is a kind of rising up movement in the land and a pulling down movement in the sky.

Then I changed colors, painting the darker clouds blue-lavender and the lighter ones a sort of ocher. These are not exactly your traditional sky colors! I put them in the trees and field as well.

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This painting seems successful to me. Yes, you can see the elements in the photo: the clouds and meadow, trees and hills. But you can also, I think, see the elements not in the photo: the moody, magical feeling that this landscape has, at least for me. So I hope to continue to bring my penchant for looking below the surface as I leave psychology and move toward art!

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Happy New Year!

I’ve retired! This seems wildly improbable to me. It’s as if I woke up one morning and was told: You’re Norwegian now! Huh, how about that? Well, Norway is lovely. I’ve visited Norway, although visiting and living there are two different things. The Norwegians seem to like it; that’s what they’ve all told me. “It takes a little adjustment,” they say, “but it’s great here!” But mostly I think: I have no idea what it’s like to be Norwegian. I’ve been American my whole life.

So far, I feel in a state of suspension. I am not working, but I do not feel like my life and time is my own yet. Once in a while something hits me. At the end of the day, I think that I should check my messages. And then I realize that I don’t need to do that at all. I leave Friday to visit friends and family in California, so that, I imagine, will simply feel like vacation. After that, who knows?

On my last day of work, I got my hair dyed blue. I have been planning this for a couple of years, so it was not impulsive, although I’ll grant you that it is somewhat unusual! But it is a nice symbol to me that I am not a professional any more. It’s a reminder that while I am the same, my life is not.

I have finished the first painting of this year, although I started it last year. I have not found a title for it yet. I am happy to consider any ideas! Email me (mhill@myfairpoint.net) if you get an inspiration. Here it is.

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And here I am with my blue hair! I may need to wear that vest all the time!

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Hurtling Toward Retirement

I don’t have much to say about art these days: I have been rushing headlong toward retirement! So, this blog is about that and not very much about art, I’m afraid. My last work day is December 30th. Like most people, I imagine, I have been working since I was 14, and working full-time (until the last few years as I tapered down) since finishing school. I have had the same career my entire adult life.

Although my work schedule has been greatly reduced the last two or three years, I have been interested to note that it doesn’t really feel like a partial retirement. I certainly feel like I have more room in my schedule. But even working very part-time, I still define myself as a psychologist and a working person. I think it will take not working at all to feel like my life is truly my own.

Retiring from being a psychologist and a therapist is not like retiring from any other work, I think. I have had a forty year career. This means that there are some people whom I have seen off and on for decades. We have passed through life together, from early adulthood to retirement age. I have had the incredible privilege of witnessing the unfolding of their lives, and have often been there to walk with them through the difficult periods. I have accompanied them through relationship beginnings and endings, through losses, through career struggles, through tragedies, through episodes of depression and anxiety. I care about their lives; these people sit close to my heart. I am saying goodbye after goodbye.

I once described to a colleague how great the loss was for such a client: how I knew this person so thoroughly, had such an extended history with her and a relationship of such mutual trust and recognition. My colleague said simply: “She will never have that again.” And I thought, yes, I just have to accept that, as does my client. I have to accept that I will not again do this work that I have found deeply moving and satisfying. I will not know how all these life stories will turn out.

And yet I feel ready to retire. It is also very hard indeed to bear witness to suffering day after day. I have sometimes said that in my work I have eaten the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil: while I have seen enormous courage and decency, I have also heard of horrendous trauma, profound pain. I am weary of carrying all those souls. While their lives are their own, when they come to me for help, there is also a way that I take them on. What will my life be without that responsibility, without that regular focus on suffering?

I cannot imagine what my life will be like after work! I recently read the book “How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free.” When I saw the title, I thought, yes!  I want to retire happy, wild and free! The book suggested you make a list of at least 50 things you would like to do in retirement, and I now have a list of over 60. That gives me a starting point, at least. But I will have to feel my way into it, I think. I recently planned a trip to visit a friend this January, and it was such a surprise to think, I can travel any day of the week! I don’t have to think about scheduling around a weekend or how long I’m away or getting coverage for work! Amazing.

In the meantime, I have been clearing out my office, culling files (I am obligated to keep records for seven years, but can shred anything older than that), giving things away. I am giving away my professional library — that certainly feels momentous! I have hauled things home, thrown things out. I have found someone to rent the office space.

And that, dear readers, is why I do not currently have much to say about art!

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The World of Art Marketing

Painting is more than just making art, it includes finding a way to get that art out into the world. I guess I had never thought about this until I started painting. All art is a communication, and the creative process is not complete until someone sees the painting, watches the dance, reads the story. In a way, I don’t think the painting is “done” until it is shared. I like to think that someone else needs to see that painting because of what it expresses for them and to them. That’s certainly how I feel about certain pieces of art or writing. I know some artists who never show their work, and I think we are all diminished by that.

Then, of course, there is the matter of selling. Art is not a cheap hobby! I easily spend a couple of thousand dollars a year on supplies, framing, memberships and the occasional workshop. I like to make enough to cover my expenses, and making more is a bonus when it happens. Last year I made extra money, and thought of my recent vacation as a good use for it. But in addition to supporting my art habit, it is enormously gratifying when someone buys a painting. I had not anticipated that. But think about it: this means someone loves something I created so much that they want to live with it. They are willing to spend fairly serious money on it. They want to look at it regularly because it speaks to them in some way. It’s an honor to me and to the art when that happens.

But showing your art sure is a lot of work! Currently, I’m doing it three ways. First — and the spiffiest! — I have a few pieces in galleries, work accepted into juried shows. Art galleries are a great way to show and even sell art: it is, after all, their business. Second, and perhaps the easiest, are local venues. I have art up at a downtown Burlington law firm at the moment (Downs, Rachlin and Martin). In this case, it is through an arts organization (Burlington City Arts) that has a stable of artists and coordinates shows throughout their area. But I have also shown art at coffee houses and similar local venues, just by noticing which places have changing art on their walls. Go in, ask at the counter who coordinates the art displays, contact that person and ask to be considered. Voila! Third, I have art products (prints, cards, and a few very tiny affordable paintings) in a local shop (“Under the Dome Gifts,” in the State House in Montpelier). This may not sell paintings, but it does make money and certainly gets my name and images out there. You never know what will eventually lead to a sale.

To this I should add my website. I don’t think I have ever had anyone stumble across my website and decide to buy a painting. But I certainly have had people see my art elsewhere, look at the website to see what else might be available, and then contact me to buy it. I know some artists also use other sales websites (e.g., etsy), some focused exclusively on art and some not. I have not arrived at that stage of computer savvy!

Then there are art and craft shows. Vermont has an “Open Studio” weekend once or twice a year. In addition, many locations have well-known craft shows. These events tend to be a better way to sell art products than original (and thus expensive) art, so people sell cards, prints, mugs, t-shirts and similar things showing their art images. I have tried Open Studio, as well as a local holiday crafts market, a couple of times and thus far have not found it worth the time and effort. One usually pays a membership fee to the organization that coordinates it as well as a fee to participate. It takes a great deal of time, work and investment to make sure you have enough to sell, make signage, and purchase and set up display infrastructure (card racks, print racks, large racks to display original art, tables and the like). Then you have to haul everything to the venue, set it up, sit there and be extroverted all day, then haul it back home and put it away. I have certainly made money at Open Studio, but not enough to justify that kind of labor, I think. On the positive side, I love seeing people look at my images and it’s fun to see what attracts people. Selling directly is very rewarding: after all, this person is parting with their money to have something I created. How satisfying! I have never tried one of the big craft shows, but I have heard that space at such an event can run into the thousands of dollars. I think that’s beyond my current scope! Besides, they are really better suited to craftspeople than to visual artists.

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My 2013 Open Studio setup

With rare and delightful exceptions, all venues charge a commission. Galleries ask the most, other venues somewhat less. You need to price your work to take that into account, keeping in mind that it is not playing fair to price your work differently depending on the venue (including if someone buys it directly from you).

This has been a lot to learn! But it is rewarding as well, rewarding to see someone looking at a painting, or to have someone tell me that they saw my paintings, and then of course there is the occasional financial reward as well. With any of those outcomes, the creative circle is completed: from inspiration to creation to viewer; and if I’m fortunate, back to me as the artist, watching the person take in the image.

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The artist and her work at the Art in the Round Barn show (going on currently), Waitsfield, VT

 

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Painting After a Hiatus

Here, finally, is the last of the blogs I wrote earlier this year. It’s dated in July; now it’s already early September. Tomorrow I leave for a two-week vacation, Hooray! When I return, I can start posting blogs in real time. Won’t that be a nice change?

Early September means just the first hint of color in the leaves. Sometimes you see a tree or a branch of a tree, generally trees that are more stressed, I think, showing real fall color. Mostly it’s just a kind of softening of the greens, a subtle shift away from the definitive greens to something a little muddier, with a hint of ochre perhaps or the slightest touch of not-quite-red. When I come back, we will be roaring toward the glory of foliage season.

July 8, 2014

I have had a month’s hiatus from painting. The summer has been crazed for me so far! I have had three family trips, all involving air travel (two nieces graduated), friends visiting (yikes, have to really clean the house!), and visiting family as well.

Last week I finally stated a painting, something with the wild skies that I love. It is usually a similar process when I paint, but always more accentuated when I have been away from it for a while. The setup is straightforward enough: choose an image, consider value balance and color plans. Choose paper and size. Make photos to use when working. Put everything up on my easel. Make a sketch. Good so far! Then I can start getting myself into trouble!

This time, I got partway into the sky and started thinking: “I have forgotten how to paint.” Sometimes what I think is: “I can’t paint, whatever made me think I could?” I was painting with a friend, and complained to her, “Why do I always choose these complicated skies?” (Which were exactly the point of this particular painting, of course!) I stuck with it, struggling. Then there comes a point when I put something in there and it comes together, even if just a little, even just that small area. Oh, I think. Nice. Maybe I can paint, after all.

Of course, then I get to work on the meadow underneath the sky, and the treeline and hills between the two. And, oh yes, those two pines sitting off to the left, hmmm, what about those? With each, I may have something of the same struggle, although once at least part of the painting pleases me, I am no longer so impressed by any difficulties. With each area, though, there are usually small moments of discovery, moments when I try a color or shape and like the results. I realize that I am making this sound quite haphazard, but actually, I am far enough along in my development as an artist that I mostly make informed choices. That at least increases the probability that I could like the results!

This painting still sits on my easel at the moment. The sky is as far as I can take it until I have the rest in place. I have the pines in, and the meadow as well as the distant hills. I still need to finish the treeline. Then comes the final stage: looking at the whole and pulling it together, marrying colors from the sky to the earth and vice versa, looking at balance and movement and trying to judge what else it needs so it will truly sing.

In news from life around me, I recently saw a bear crossing the road in front of my car, followed by three little cubs! Oh, my! This happened when I was driving the visiting friends around; it sure is nice when you can offer visitors an experience like that. The resident bunny comes out from under the deck most evenings to nibble grass right nearby. And I have seen a number of young fawns, most still with spots. They are so curious and approach the world so openly, and have not learned the fearfulness of the adults. They are good models for all of us!

 

 

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My Great Leap Forward, final installment

Still catching up from my prior blog posts that never got published. This was originally dated May 28th.

May 28, 2014

And here is the final installment of my Great Leap Forward (I hope!) with art. If you missed the prior two, you can see them below.

After trying a couple of the experiments Cathy Carey suggested, and doing my art self-study, I knew that the next step would me to find a theme that I wanted to use for painting. But I really had no idea at all about what that might be. Then I was driving to work one day, and the Painting Muse — who apparently can pass right through a car — smacked me upside the head and I thought: tree portraits! I want to do tree portraits! I immediately had a flood of ideas about how to make that topic varied and interesting. I would paint groupings of trees or parts of trees or a single splendid tree. I thought of several interesting ways to use color. Wheee!

After I calmed down (a visit from the Painting Muse rattles a person), I gave some thought to how I would unify the series. I would frame them all the same, I thought: in simple light wood frames, 16″ x 20.” That would allow me to paint two sizes, 16″ x 20″ and 12″ x 16″ with a mat to bring that to the larger size. These sizes seemed big enough to make a statement without being so large that I would be committing myself to an impossible framing expense.

I have now made five tree paintings. In fact, it is all I want to do. I decided not to put them up on my website, a first for me. I am imagining a solo show, and I want them all to be never-before-seen. And if I put them on the website, people will perhaps want to buy them (it happens!) and I want to accumulate a decent number for the series. Where I think I will get the venue for this solo show, I do not know! But I think I need to just do the work and then see what happens, or rather, what I can make happen. So I am happily embarked upon this mission.

In other news, the bunnies (snowshoe hares, actually) that live under the deck have (surprise!) made more bunnies. I saw a young moose when I was walking one morning; the moose, like the rest of us, are out and about. The ferns have unfurled their curly fronds and the apple trees are blooming. And I found an emptied robin’s egg a week or so ago: some enterprising couple started early. We have leaves, leaves, leaves, that beautiful gilded green of late spring.

 

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My Great Leap Forward, part 2

Another catch-up post, this one originally dated 5/15/14.

In my prior post I started describing my intentional evolution in art. I am old enough — and perhaps you are as well? — to know that if you want something, you have to take steps to make it happen. The Art Fairy is not very likely to arrive at my door telling me that I am now prepared to make a great leap forward in my painting! So I got advice from a successful and experienced artist, as I described.

I also did a sort of self-study. I made two pieces of paper, each with a dozed thumbnail images of my paintings. One sheet had twelve paintings that I especially liked; the other a dozen of (ahem) not my best work. This evaluation was mine alone. I am continually interested to notice how individual art is, and how people may well love a painting that I thought was so-so, while another that I think is wonderful gets displayed at show after show and doesn’t sell. It’s a mystery. Just as an example (I know I am digressing here!), at the VCAM reception, I noticed a woman taking some time looking at a particular painting.  Even after she was officially done looking at the show, and standing around chatting with someone, I saw her glance back over her shoulder at that painting a few times. She didn’t buy it, but she clearly found it compelling. It was one of the paintings that I had put on my page of not-so-wonderful work.

But my first goal is to make art that I love personally, so that is my beacon. I noticed a few things about the winners and losers (I exaggerate, but you know what I mean) sheets. One, there were more recent paintings on the winners sheet and more older work on the losers. Well, that certainly was good news. But I also noticed that more of the winners paintings were larger and more of the losers ones were smaller. It was by no means consistent, but more a matter of percentages. Why was that? As I thought about it more, I realized that more of the paintings I liked were from images that really appealed to me, and because of that I wanted to give them more space. The paintings that were less successful had a greater proportion of images that did not wow me. It’s almost as if I decided that I was not that thrilled about the image, so why not make just a little painting? Again, this was not at all consistent, but it was a definite trend. Of course, it was not about the size at all (some of the ones I loved were what I thought of as little gems), but about the size as a signifier of passion.

I had my important data: I need to love the image. It is not enough just to find something that feels OK to me. I should feel pulled toward it, I should be hungry to paint it. I have been trying to let that guideline be primary as I choose images for my work.

It is full Spring here, and in the woods the trillium sing an ode to the number three. I have seen the first of the goldthread, which have always struck me as flowers for elves. The hobblebush has started to bloom and the bluets make little napkins of soft sky color on the ground. The trees have that neon green of the first leaf growth. I especially love seeing that on old trees; it makes me think of elderly women giggling in lacy petticoats. I am enveloped in spring chores, and have had my first gin and tonic on the deck, a sure sign of warm weather.

 

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My Great Leap Forward, Part 1

Here is the next in my catch-up blog entries. This one is dated April 28, 2014.

I have been on an artistic adventure recently! I have been painting only a few years and have definitely seen my skill develop in that time. It’s really been a revelation to me how much of art is learnable. I guess I always had a somewhat naïve idea that talented people make art, and you either had talent or did not. I have a very modest talent, but I have discovered that art is like anything else: practice and education do make for improvement. Who knew? Not me.

Recently, though, it has seemed to me that my progress has leveled off somewhat. I felt itchy, wanting to take the next step to improve my work, but unsure what that step was. So I did two things. I asked an accomplished artist (Cathy Carey: http://www.artstudiosandiego.com) to take a look at my oeuvre and tell me what was working, what I needed to improve, and possible directions. (I just have to say, I can hardly believe I have an oeuvre!) I also did a kind of self-study……more about that in other posts.

Cathy’s comments were very helpful. She suggested several things to stretch me, including trying a bigger painting, trying abstracting an existing painting, raising my productivity, and painting to a theme.

I have tried one level of abstraction – here is the painting I worked from and the abstracted version.

To the Mountains

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This was interesting! Abstracting was harder than I expected. I had to think about how to eliminate details, but I wanted to keep the basic shapes and I wanted the scene to be recognizable. I also, in keeping with moving a step away from reality, changed the colors to a triadic palette (green, yellow, purple), which was another way of simplifying. I will say that making this painting was certainly no easier than making the original, more realistic one. Next I think I will try doing the same scene with an even further level of abstraction. I have no clue what that might mean, however! But Cathy was right: this exercise is definitely stretching me, which is always a good thing.

Enough for today, but I will write more in the next few posts about this journey.

The snow is almost gone here, finally. It’s been a slow spring. We have had a rough mud season: my road had worse moguls than it has had in years. My car has a pronounced wobble at higher speeds because of impossible-to-reach mud caked behind the wheels; I hope to get that fixed when I get my summer tires put on. But there are coltsfoot and bloodroot blooming, and my garden has snowdrops and glory-of-the-snow. Although I shouldn’t say “garden,” because most of them are in the lawn where the mice have replanted them. Happy Spring!

 

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Starting a Blog

Hello to my blog followers! After a few months of thinking I was posting blog updates, I started hearing from people that they were not getting the posts. I contacted someone more computer-savvy than I am (a vast field) for help, tweaked my settings, and then discovered that I was putting up the blog posts on a page not designed for that. Oops. So I think I have finally figured it out. I’d like to give people a chance to catch up on the posts I have already written, so I will send the old ones, one a week or so, until I get caught up to present time. As bonus entertainment, this will also give you a chance to read a kind of speeded-up version of the seasons changing as I comment about what is happening outdoors. If you don’t want to bother with these prior posts, just ignore them. Thanks for bearing with me. Here’s the first post I wrote, on April 10th:

Finally, finally, finally, I am actually starting a real blog! I have been inspired by participating in Kat Sloma’s “Liberate Your Art” project. Kat is a photographer in Oregon, and she has been organizing this event for years, but this is the first time I have participated. What fun! You make postcards of your art (I took photos and taped them to card stock cut to size), then mail those with postage and self-addressed mailing labels to Kat. She (with the help of twenty of her best friends, I hope) mixes them and sends them out again, so that each participant gets half a dozen postcards over a period of three weeks, five from various artists and one from Kat.

I was so interesting to see where the postcards came from (I got one from Northern Ireland) and the great variety of art. Kat asks that you include a message of encouragement on your postcard, so lucky me, I got six messages of encouragement! And this happened during Vermont’s Mud Season, when we need all the encouragement we can get. For three weeks, I happily looked forward to the mail on Mondays and Thursdays, knowing there would be something other than bills and junk mail.

Making art can be an isolating undertaking. I have the good fortune of frequently painting with an artist friend or two and it makes a huge difference to have the company of someone else engaged in the creative process, even if we are mostly silent while painting.

A foot of snowpack still here in north central Vermont. But the first of my snowdrops are blooming (where I strategically planted them next to the foundation of the house), so hope is in the air. I hope you enjoy my blog!

 

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